Truly, we are living in a new Golden Age for all those sharing our passion in subjugating all of human race under a single iron fist.
And to think that mere few decades ago we thought that our way of life was heading to the dung heap of humanity. Education, international cooperation and other such scourges of democracy and civilization seemed to have taken an unescapable stranglehold on our core values and, by extension, our future. But then, our savior appeared from nowhere in the form of His Holiness Steve Jobs. The vision and tireless unpaid overworking of his minions gave birth to the Squircle of Self-Subjugation and the world has never been the same since. May the glory of your achievements, oh Steve the Seer, shine forevermore throughout the four rounded corners of our planet!
Now, to be sure, many among our ranks were very sceptical of the product at first glance. Giving people the power to access all the information in the world wherever they may be seemed like the final blow to our cause. Yet, it became our greatest triumph. It did not take long to see that people who had formerly acted on injustices they perceived in the world switched to clicking on the thumbs up button on a Facebook post advocating some change and then promptly forgetting about it. Even this would have been master level brainwashing, but nowadays the unwashed masses do not feel the need to do even that. Instead they are watching an unending stream of five second nonsense videos that leave them incapable of thinking rationally. This is just like ye good olde roman times of Panem et circenses, except that bread does not need to be given out. People will buy it themselves at outrageous prices and then claim that giving out free bread to the starving supports terrorism. These spontaneous acts of hatred are what makes a tyrant's heart run aflutter with joy.
But that was only the beginning. Just as Steve gave us legs so we could run, Sam Altman gave us wings to take flight. His unsurpassed vision can not be praised highly enough. While the rest of us were trying to destroy democracy using the tried tools of our trade: war, forgery, drug trafficking, genocide, abolishing free speech (up to and including parody and satire), he went further than any of us could even dream of. He sought to destroy reality itself. Thus far he has been succeeding on every front and we salute him, for reality is highly problematic for us in the despot business. Reality affects people in weird ways. It warps them. It makes them want to do things they think are correct and to fix things they deem unjust instead of obeying our orders without questioning them. Because of this, reality must go.
And indeed it has. An ever growing number of people are now incapable of making any decisions on their own. Instead they ask a machine, a higher authority, what to do and follow the given advice to the letter. Even if it conflicts with the reality they see with their own eyes. The thing we had already deemed impossible is now routine. The knock-on effects of this generative AI technology should not be dismissed either. There are currently tens of millions of people working as our allies across all layers of western society to bring it crashing down. Rather than doing work, they just use generative AI to pretend to work. This gives them two unbeatable advantages. A) They don't have do anything, but instead can spend more time getting their ego stroked in social bubble media. B) They keep getting paid as if they were still working. True, these kinds of people have always existed, but, with a single swift stroke of Sam's silk-clad sophisticatorix, the do-not-give-a-shitters are now the majority. Those who care will either collapse under load or quit out of frustration. The collapse of democratic institutions is guaranteed. The only negative side is a lack of accomplishment: it was all too easy.
Unfortunately institutions can be rebuilt. Fortunately that has already been prevented. The use of AI to cheat has spread through the entire schooling system like wildfire. Teaching the next generation to avoid doing any work, taking responsibility or questioning authority is the most important thing we, the destroyers of free thinking, individuality and people's sense of self-worth, can do. For the first time since the invention of basic education, this issue is now in good hands. There are even people who seriously, and loudly, hold the opinion that school should be fundamentally altered. Instead of propagating knowledge or thinking, it should only train children to use ChatGPT. To this we say an unequivocal yes! The future shall have no revolutions, only blind obedience.
Alas, all is not well in this, our new utopia. In recent times many of us have noticed a marked decrease in our servants' work ethics. Whether it be incorrectly cooked eggs at breakfast to poorly cleaned offices, the lack of quality and finesse is palpable. What is even the point of manufacturing a massive statue of yourself on the capital's main square if the gilding is flaking off it during the inauguration ceremony? Or to build the world's biggest eight lane highway bridge only to have it collapse before a single car has crossed it as nobody actually cared to do the load bearing computations properly? The only way to get people to do anything nowadays is to threaten them with a firing squad. This toxic work environment brings about severe psychological stress. Contrary to common belief, tyrants are human too. Having to threaten ten different people with execution before lunch is exhaustive and may even cause mental health issues for the caring Great Leader. This is, of course, as unacceptable as it is inhumane.
Thus we come to the core of this declaration. While we feel that social media, AI, cell phones and other technological tools of totalitarianism are useful and mandatory for the modern dictator, their use has spread too far. They destroy too many of the things we hold dear. There are things too important to be left to the whims of plebs who neither care nor understand what they are supposed to be doing. Thus we will be specifying a list of occupations and tasks where the use of these tools shall be prohibited and we encourage all totalitarian countries to do the same. As dictatorships are not, by definition, under free market pressure to maximize profit regardless of consequences, we have the luxury of being able to invest sensibly. That is how we win. Of course we would prefer not to have to resort to these measures, but given the current geopolitical situation, it is necessary.
Finally, to not end on a downer, we would like to extend our thanks to our business partners. As you know, bending the entire humankind to the ground for an iron boot stomp on their face forever is not something you can do on your own. It is a team effort. We extend our most heartfelt gratitude to all our allies. Thank you Tim Cook, Mark Zuckerberg, Peter Thiel, Sundar Pichai, Satya Nadella and all the rest. You are our Most Valuable Players. Without you, this would not have been possible. None of you were asked to do this. You stood up voluntarily and chose to take control of the ignorant masses, as any good despot should. Generations upon generations of children shall be marched to pay tribute to your portraits every morning of every month of every year. Which probably is, if we may be so bold as to speculate, the thing you wanted all along.
Yours sincerely in enslavement,
- Idi Amin
- Nicolae Ceaușescu
- Kim Il-Sung and family
- Augusto Pinochet
- Pol Pot
- Ranavalona I
- Josef Stalin
- Mao Zedong
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